I just had to share this and I don't have time to say all that's on my heart so I just copied what I wrote the other day to go along with it, coz it sure does go with the news I just heard and coz my loving God just showed me more mercy and lovingkindness! HE just showed me more PROOF! Psalm 30:5; 'Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning'! Brother Wiggins just talked of this Scripture today.

Jimmy just called me and we shared some joyful tears! Joshua called him and said he's going to go to Roloff on Thursday! Praise my sweet, loving God! I ask that anyone who reads this, please be a prayer warrior on his behalf! That ole tricky devil sure would like to get him to change his mind before Thursday! I thank you if you've been praying for him and us!

Thank you so much to Brother Wiggins for helping him. For not turning your back on him, and for being a Brother in Christ, a Counselor, a Shepherd, showing him God all the while!

I wrote these words the other day and it fits, so I'll share them again!

I thank God every day for seeing to me. I don't know why it took so long to get a diagnosis but I do believe in God's timing. These last two years, a lot of different things could have happened had I of felt better. Maybe I was supposed to go through this in order to draw closer to my sweet Saviour! I just feel so blessed! I feel as though I am right in God's care every moment. I know it sounds crazy, but it's like He has finally proved to me how much He loves me. I know I shouldn't need proof, but that's the only word I can come up with.

He's proved it to me before in Joshua's life. He's proving it now even. I know He is working on Joshua's heart. I must believe this for I without it I think I'd go crazy with worry over him. I feel sorry for Joshua. He's my son, and I love him so much, but I see what he could be and it hurts me to know that he doesn't want better for himself. I know it sounds crazy but I worry if he's eaten today, does he have clean clothes, even if he's bathed. Maybe that's why that Scripture came to mind from Matthew 6:33, 34! I'm hurt by what others may think of him, becoz I know what he 'looks' like. I feel bad that I think he looks bad. I feel bad when people tell me about him. I would just as soon they wouldn't.

Someone told me Sunday that they he came to see them and they wished they would have had a cattle prod. I didn't understand, and so dummy me says, 'oh, was he talking too much', and they said 'no, I think he was high'. I'd like to know how does that person think I should feel? I truly deep down know that it was not meant to hurt my feelings, but it did all the same. Maybe some people don't feel the same way about their children that I do mine, I don't understand that, but he is my son, my child. No mother wants to know that someone would like to get a cattle prod after their child. I know he's 27, but he's still my baby. And he's in a fight for his life or that's how I feel! I felt so disrespected that someone would speak to me like that, and especially a Christian friend. But as I said, I truly know deep down know that it wasn't meant to hurt me. People just don't understand.

Sometimes I feel so desperate for him that I feel I have to rescue him, but I know I can't. Only he can give his will over to God. And so, all day long I'm lifting him up. At night, while I lay there from no sleep, I look at my picture of Jesus from Moma and I pray so hard that God will protect him, that he'll make him see the errors of his ways. Sometimes I pray that His will will be done, and I add, but please please God don't take him from me.

I pray so hard that I will never have to feel what my Mother felt. Me and Moma would talk about that sometimes and I'd tell her that I really did not believe that I would be able to take it if I lost one of my children, (ITIB 1 MILLION X'S!) and she'd remind me that God will give me nothing that I can't bear. She thought she couldn't either and she went through it 4 times, 2 to car accidents and 2 to murder and there were some bad, bad days but she always looked to God. She said, He'll make you strong! I remember that and I miss her so much in these moments. She was always so strong, so faithful! It's a funny feeling that she's not here. Just knowing that she was 2 miles down the road and I could call her and go by and I wouldn't even have to say anything, but she'd know if something was wrong and somehow she always made me feel better, just by being here! I guess Moma's have that way about them! But she used to tell me all the time...when I finally go home to heaven, don't you be getting sick and nervous. That would make me very sad. And so I remember those things and even with these tears that I cry right now, it makes me feel better!

She had a sweet, dear love for Joshua! And he had sweet, dear love for her! I wish he'd think more on her and straighten up. She'd tell him like it was. Didn't mean he'd always listen, but sometimes he would.

And she loved Meggie too. She respected Meghann so much. Brother Wiggins was talking about Bailey's 'silky' the other day and me and Meg looked at each other coz Moma had cut off a sleeve from her silky nightgown and gave to it Meggie when she was a baby and she'd rub that silky nightgown sleeve between her fingers to go to sleep. I still have it. One day I'll give it to Meggie's baby. To this day, she loves to sleep in those kinds of gowns. I try and find her some at the thrift stores and such and she has some of Moma's.

He's proved it to me before in Meghann's life, when she was so hurt by a bad relationship and I prayed so hard that His will would be done in her life, not hers, not mine! Something she seemed to want so desperately, and her Dad and I were so concerned, yet we gave it over to God and prayed that if it truly was what He wanted, that we would learn to love that person as much as she did. So, when it fell through, it wasn't all that hard to not be glad, however, it was so painful to see her suffer from an other's hands that claimed to love her. He proved it to me when Meggie lost her dearest, bestest friend, Amber Haines, and the privilege and honor it was that Amber's parents asked her, my daughter, to speak at her service. She was so eloquent and spoke of the real Amber, the Amber that some didn't know. And she glorified God when she spoke. Even in her deepest pain, she saw God first. I thank God every day for this lovely daughter of mine, who is so caring to her Dad, brother and me. She is so convicted by the Spirit on what God wants for her life now, that she sometimes scares me, coz here I'll be doubting her decisions and she'll be trusting so hard that she don't listen to me! I'm glad! Really, I am!

I'm glad Moma's 'finally home' in heaven with her other kids. She used to tell me, 'I can't wait to see them again'. I'd get so sad when she'd say that and she'd tell me that we kids were most of the reason she could carry on without the others, but she longed and craved to see Bonnie, Billy, David and Miss M. And I know she's glad to be with Daddy again and I believe that there is a replica of that old house she loved so very much that she's living in, only it's her perfect mansion. I remember when she died, I had the strangest thought and I don't know why. But I could just see Jesus caressing her little wrinkled, weathered face, and her hands and not saying a word, and instantly she was made beautiful again with no pain or suffering or wrinkles from a hard life and a smile was brought to her face instead of the many tears I'd see her cry.

So see, He's proved it to me even in such a hurtful situation as losing my Moma. I know where she is and in that I find the greatest, sweetest comfort. And...he's given me Elaine, Ms. Warden, Ms. Lola, Sue, and Ms. Oleta. I don't know why they make me feel a Mother's love, but they do. Elaine will always hold the most special place in my heart, besides my own Moma. The most loving, caring, compassionate, kindest woman I have ever met. And too, Ms. Warden. I always thank Ms. Vickie for sharing her with me. I remember when Moma first died, I'd just look at Ms. Warden and cry coz I'd miss Moma so much. She reminds me so much of her. I pray that's a compliment to her. And Ms. Lola, she's the sweetest, most loving little lady. Sue is the Moma that tells me like it is and makes me 'straighten up', but she has a soft side with me that maybe others don't see. And Ms. Oleta, she is a mixture of Mother, friend, and sister!

And even in my sadness and tears, I am joyful! Memories can be a good thing. It honors those we love. It makes me feel like Moma is up there now knowing how I'm feeling and helping me to remember her words of love and care. And I know I'm not alone. I know that God is with me and I know He's put me in the path of some dear people. All I have to do is call upon one of them. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I wait, coz I know that He wants me to seek Him first. And in seeking Him first I grow closer and more intimate with Him each day! I pray every day that I will never lose Him. It's the sweetest relationship I have, next to Jimmy!