Hopeful Future

This week I went for infusions 4 days. I am worn out. Not only from the infusions but also from getting up so early and being there all day and the drive. I'm praying so hard that this treatment will help me. Everything seems to be a hurry up and wait game. At least I'm not having the side effects of that other awful medicine. Dr. Chadha is so kind and compassionate and all the people there are. She told me this week that she believes I've had this for a long time and it's gone untreated for so long, she's afraid that it may be irreversible. But she says she's not going to give up. She'll find something. What will happen I asked myself, if this is true? I don't want to look at the options, I'm not strong enough today.

I am glad today to just be able to sit. I'm feeling alright, but I hurt pretty good, especially when I get up to do anything. I wish I'd get better, so I can do some things that need to be done. Ya know, the things that only the woman of the house can do...do right that is.

I'm feeling down. I know I have no right to be. So many others are sicker than me and have problems. Meggie sent me an email about a girl going through chemotherapy and was going to look for a wig. I was just complaining this morning about my hair, and I went and got it cut shorter. At least I have hair.

I'm thankful my Father overlooks this part of me, for when I share it with Him and ask for forgiveness, I know He gives it to me. I've had such good prayer times this week, even while having the infusions. Maybe especially.

Jimmy left Wednesday to go be with Joshua for a few days. He'll be back sometime Saturday. They seem to be having a good time. Meggie stayed home to be with me, thankfully. It's good to have her here when I don't feel well, and even when I do. Joshua was battling with that old feeling of failing God and though he knows he's forgiven, I don't think he's forgiven himself. Please pray for him. I pray for him constantly to feel the mercy and forgiveness of our Lord and Savior.

Ms. Warden is home, and I'm so thankful for that and for her surgery going well. She tickles me. She's doing better than me, as usual. Ready to get up and get going. I love her to pieces. I told her I was going to make her potato soup but today I cannot. I don't even feel like talking to anyone.

I know tomorrow is another day and I have hope of feeling better physically, mentally and of course spiritually I want to grow so much. I thank the Lord for staying close to me and for putting it in my heart to stay close to Him.