Romans 5:1-6; Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience, and experience, hope. And hope maketh not ashamed, because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
Thank you Jesus. I have been leaning on His promises. His comfort is so endearing to me. Without His hope, I have nothing. Oh, how can He love me so? I fail Him miserably, and yet He loves me. Where would I go but to the Lord? His peace is unlike anything I've ever known. I believe that He gave me Jimmy so that I could see even more of Him through Jimmy.
Yesterday was mine and Jimmy's 30th Anniversary. Unfortunately, we spent it in the ER. But as our vows say, 'in sickness and in health'. I know I'm wearing him out and yet he is so patient and loving. I know he's concerned for me, and loves me with everything he has. I used to not be able to accept that. Since I've come to know Jesus, I've also accepted Jimmy's love for me too. I kept him an arms length away for many years. He was so good, and I was so unworthy. His kindness toward me was almost like a whip upon my skin. Isn't that silly? But it's the way I felt. And yet, he was/is ever constant. Same kind of relationship I had with my Lord and Savior, until I truly accepted Him and invited Him into my heart.
Some have commented to me the 'why' of this illness, as though I am asking why. I do occasionally ask, becoz I am merely human. But in all truthfulness, I believe that God is working in my life even now through this illness. If I wasn't sick, there might be something else that could be worse. With this illness, I have drawn even closer to Him. I understand that I must stay close to Him in order for Him to stay close to me. I know He is going to see me through this. But if I don't stay close to Him the prince of darkness, that old liar will confuse me during this time of fogginess and try to make me believe that God has abandoned me. If I know this now, then when I am at my lowest, I shall overcome by just that knowledge.
Meggie and Jimmy both have been so good to me. I sometimes feel like such a burden, but I know they don't want me to feel that way. Meggie just takes charge when I'm sick or I have to go to the ER. She is my Shirley McClaine. I don't know what I would have done without her these last few episodes I've had.
I just thank God for my loving family and friends.