There's No Place Like Home!

I've had such a good day! Nausea has only bothered me a bit, keep your fingers crossed! Jimmy told me last night that he took off today so we could spend some time together and I really appreciated that! Ended up though that we both had to ran errands in the AM, so we split up for a while, but this afternoon we've spent time together and it was fun!

I know ya'll think I'm crazy but it feels so good to feel good! My day used to revolve around a nap! Truthfully! I'm embarrassed by it now, but man, I remember when if I had to make an appointment or go somewhere, it was made around my nap. I had to be home by 1:30pm at least. I was always so tired and didn't feel good! It felt so good today to be coming home and I felt elated to get there! Not tired and rushed and blah feeling! Did I tell you that I don't have to take high blood pressure medication anymore? I think my blood pressure was up coz I was always in pain.

Anyway, when I got home, I went right to work on a couple of projects and Jimmy surprised me by going and putting up my Christmas present, a 10 laying chicken coop, up! I was so excited!
Am I country or what? Now, I have all my hens in two separate pens. One has a 3 laying coop and the other the 10, but I only have 8 hens, so I need to get some more. And they're laying! Yeah! There's nothing funnier than looking for eggs! I gave the Case's and 18 pack the other night. They were so little, but hens aren't all the way grown yet.

I just love our place, 'Twelve Acres', it's really 11.9, but that don't sound good! It's just so us! Jimmy always compliments me that I have made it a home! I know God gave me some talent and I love to sit among simple, country things! But to me their beautiful!

Which got me to thinking about Philippians 4;8 again! 'Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things'! Thank you Lord for that verse! How can I not be happy if I just do this?

See, I see God in all these little projects I do. I'm making things beautiful that he's given me, okay maybe just beautiful to me, but still. When I make flowers for the Church or I decorate, I'm thinking I want to make Jesus' House beautiful! I think I'm somewhat of a perfectionist even if others might not think it's pretty. If something if off center, or out of place, it'll drive me nuts till I fix it. You should see how I feel sometimes when I look at the flowers at the Church. If they're messed up in my mind, it takes all I've got to not go up there during the preaching hour to fix it. Boy, wouldn't that be a hoot?

And I've filled spaces in the house and out with sweet memories! Like the many things Jimmy has given me, too many to put down, (red couch and chair), sweet dishes! Or like Daddy's rock garden or Moma's chair and picture of Jesus, Or Papa Shaw's little cup and bowl with 'Mary had a little lamb' on it, or Meme's special, beautiful quilts! I have special memento's of my brothers and sisters who have died that I treasure, even if I don't have those sitting out. And I keep adding...for Christmas Sue gave us money and I redid our bedroom, and I am reminded of her and Brother Kropp, bless his heart! Or Ms Oleta gave me Brother's Tom's parents old pie safe and it is gorgeous and there too I'm reminded of dear loved ones whom have gone home to be with the Lord, but I got a little piece of them with me! Not just things, you know what I mean! And of course pictures of the Fam and special gifts from my Sisola Nick (roosters), or friends Lizzy (favorite, Rooster & Chicken Box) and Brandy! And all the little trinkets from the kids through the years. I even have flowers that the kids gave me the first time in little envelopes or Meggie's first flowers from a boy in kindergarten!

I know I can't take these things with me and I won't need to but I like to surround myself with 'lovely' things and to me these things are lovely. And maybe one day Meggie will treasure them as I do and it will make her heart glad, or my daughter in law, if I ever get one! So, I take pleasure in these simple, inexpensive things that God has blessed me with! And while I know my home is in Heaven, and I treasure that above all, while I'm here on earth, There's No Place Like Home!

Matthew 6:33, 34; 'But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof'.

I needed that verse! I need to give my entire attention to what God is doing right now. He will help me deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes!

I've had a somewhat good day. I seem to complain a lot, don't I? I am grateful! I'm so thankful that I feel better. It doesn't sound like it I know, but truly I do feel better than I have in years! I think I just got kind of used to the pain and the other stuff that I had going on, to the point that I figured if the doctors kept telling me that 'nothing was wrong', then nothing was wrong and I'd just have to learn to live with it!

I know I contradict myself a bit. I do feel good! Physically my body is able to do so much more than I could have imagined, but this nausea is bad, and the sleep deprivation. I am so tired! I can't tell you how very tired I am. I never have been good at taking any kind of pain pills, or really any to be truthful. Things would always make me feel so wired. If it made others sleepy, it'd keep me up! And I guess the same is here with these medications. I think the sleeping pill has just the opposite effect on me, but I take it anyway coz at least I sleep a couple of hours.

And even though I'm having 'mental' moments, I am the happiest, the most joyful that I have been in years! Actually I don't think that I've ever had joy before. Isn't that funny how a person can feel that way? It isn't the medication, believe me! Coz I could do without the side effects! I thank God every day for seeing to me. I don't know why it took so long to get a diagnosis but I do believe in God's timing. These last two years, a lot of different things could have happened had I of felt better. Maybe I was supposed to go through this in order to draw closer to my sweet Saviour! I just feel so blessed! I feel as though I am right in God's care every moment. I know it sounds crazy, but it's like He has finally proved to me how much He loves me. I know I shouldn't need proof, but that's the only word I can come up with.

He's proved it to me before in Meghann's life, when she was so hurt by a bad relationship and I prayed so hard that His will would be done in her life, not hers, not mine! Something she seemed to want so desperately, and her Dad and I were so concerned, yet we gave it over to God and prayed that if it truly was what He wanted, that we would learn to love that person as much as she did. So, when it fell through, it wasn't all that hard to not be glad, however, it was so painful to see her suffer from an other's hands that claimed to love her. He proved it to me when Meggie lost her dearest, bestest friend, Amber Haines, and the privilege and honor it was that Amber's parents asked her, my daughter, to speak at her service. She was so eloquent and spoke of the real Amber, the Amber that some didn't know. And she glorified God when she spoke. Even in her deepest pain, she saw God first. I thank God every day for this lovely daughter of mine, who is so caring to her Dad, brother and me. She is so convicted by the Spirit on what God wants for her life now, that she sometimes scares me, coz here I'll be doubting her decisions and she'll be trusting so hard that she don't listen to me! I'm glad! Really, I am!

He's proved it to me before in Joshua's life. He's proving it now even. I know He is working on Joshua's heart. I must believe this for I without it I think I'd go crazy with worry over him. I feel sorry for Joshua. He's my son, and I love him so much, but I see what he could be and it hurts me to know that he doesn't want better for himself. I know it sounds crazy but I worry if he's eaten today, does he have clean clothes, even if he's bathed. Maybe that's why that Scripture came to mind from Matthew 6:33, 34! I'm hurt by what others may think of him, becoz I know what he 'looks' like. I feel bad that I think he looks bad. I feel bad when people tell me about him. I would just as soon they wouldn't.

Someone told me Sunday that they he came to see them and they wished they would have had a cattle prod. I didn't understand, and so dummy me says, 'oh, was he talking too much', and they said 'no, I think he was high'. I'd like to know how does that person think I should feel? I truly deep down know that it was not meant to hurt my feelings, but it did all the same. Maybe some people don't feel the same way about their children that I do mine, I don't understand that, but he is my son, my child. No mother wants to know that someone would like to get a cattle prod after their child. I know he's 27, but he's still my baby. And he's in a fight for his life or that's how I feel! I felt so disrespected that someone would speak to me like that, and especially a Christian friend. But as I said, I truly know deep down know that it wasn't meant to hurt me. People just don't understand.

Sometimes I feel so desperate for him that I feel I have to rescue him, but I know I can't. Only he can give his will over to God. And so, all day long I'm lifting him up. At night, while I lay there from no sleep, I look at my picture of Jesus from Moma and I pray so hard that God will protect him, that he'll make him see the errors of his ways. Sometimes I pray that His will will be done, and I add, but please please God don't take him from me.

I pray so hard that I will never have to feel what my Mother felt. Me and Moma would talk about that sometimes and I'd tell her that I really did not believe that I would be able to take it if I lost one of my children, (ITIB 1 MILLION X'S!) and she'd remind me that God will give me nothing that I can't bear. She thought she couldn't either and she went through it 4 times, 2 to car accidents and 2 to murder and there were some bad, bad days but she always looked to God. She said, He'll make you strong! I remember that and I miss her so much in these moments. She was always so strong, so faithful! It's a funny feeling that she's not here. Just knowing that she was 2 miles down the road and I could call her and go by and I wouldn't even have to say anything, but she'd know if something was wrong and somehow she always made me feel better, just by being here! I guess Moma's have that way about them! But she used to tell me all the time...when I finally go home to heaven, don't you be getting sick and nervous. That would make me very sad. And so I remember those things and even with these tears that I cry right now, it makes me feel better!

She had a sweet, dear love for Joshua! And he had sweet, dear love for her! I wish he'd think more on her and straighten up. She'd tell him like it was. Didn't mean he'd always listen, but sometimes he would. And she loved Meggie too. She respected Meghann so much. Brother Wiggins was talking about Bailey's 'silky' the other day and me and Meg looked at each other coz Moma had cut off a sleeve from her silky nightgown and gave to it Meggie when she was a baby and she'd rub that silky nightgown sleeve between her fingers to go to sleep. I still have it. One day I'll give it to Meggie's baby. To this day, she loves to sleep in those kinds of gowns. I try and find her some at the thrift stores and such and she has some of Moma's.

I'm glad Moma's 'finally home' in heaven with her other kids. She used to tell me, 'I can't wait to see them again'. I'd get so sad when she'd say that and she'd tell me that we kids were most of the reason she could carry on without the others, but she longed and craved to see Bonnie, Billy, David and Miss M. And I know she's glad to be with Daddy again and I believe that there is a replica of that old house she loved so very much that she's living in, only it's her perfect mansion. I remember when she died, I had the strangest thought and I don't know why. But I could just see Jesus caressing her little wrinkled, weathered face, and her hands and not saying a word, and instantly she was made beautiful again with no pain or suffering or wrinkles from a hard life and a smile was brought to her face instead of the many tears I'd see her cry.

So see, He's proved it to me even in such a hurtful situation as losing my Moma. I know where she is and in that I find the greatest, sweetest comfort. And...he's given me Elaine, Ms. Warden, Ms. Lola, Sue, and Ms. Oleta. I don't know why they make me feel a Mother's love, but they do. Elaine will always hold the most special place in my heart, besides my own Moma. The most loving, caring, compassionate, kindest woman I have ever met. And too, Ms. Warden. I always thank Ms. Vickie for sharing her with me. I remember when Moma first died, I'd just look at Ms. Warden and cry coz I'd miss Moma so much. She reminds me so much of her. I pray that's a compliment to her. And Ms. Lola, she's the sweetest, most loving little lady. Sue is the Moma that tells me like it is and makes me 'straighten up', but she has a soft side with me that maybe others don't see. And Ms. Oleta, she is a mixture of Mother, friend, and sister!

And even in my sadness and tears, I am joyful! Memories can be a good thing. It honors those we love. It makes me feel like Moma is up there now knowing how I'm feeling and helping me to remember her words of love and care. And I know I'm not alone. I know that God is with me and I know He's put me in the path of some dear people. All I have to do is call upon one of them. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I wait, coz I know that He wants me to seek Him first. And in seeking Him first I grow closer and more intimate with Him each day! I pray every day that I will never lose Him. It's the sweetest relationship I have, next to Jimmy!

A Spirit Filled Church

Victory Baptist was filled with the Spirit tonight. I'm not saying that it isn't usually, but tonight was extra special. Brother Wiggins was powerful and the most compassionate I've seen him. Our Lord is blessing us with this Pastor and his wife, Ms. Donya and their children. The feeling was indescribable! I should say is indescribable becoz the 'feeling' is still there.

I have been praying for the Pastor and his family, and really trying to encourage him/them instead of discourage, which I think I might have been doing. The transition was a little bit hard. I found myself comparing the 'old' with the 'new', but I must tell you that there will be no more comparing. In actuality there is no comparison! I see a God filled man ready and willing to do the will of God. I see compassion and a yearning to please our Father in Heaven and a direction that our Church has needed for a good while.

I feel closer to each member and I love them like family. In some ways I'm closer to them than my own blood family. It's so special, edifying and uplifting. The care and concern we are gaining for one another is incredible. Bonds are created and being created that are so strong. Our bond in the Lamb of God, our Sacrifice, is great. Thank you sweet Jesus, Lord of Lords!
Our victory has already been claimed!

Tonight, I am reminded of one of my favorite Scriptures from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; 'Two are better than one; because the have a good reward for their labour. For they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat; but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken'.

My heart has been so burdened the last few weeks with physical ailments and stressful situations. I've been trying so hard to put all my trust in my Lord and Saviour and I thank Him that He's been with me through it all, but tonight my burdens were actually lifted there at the sacred altar! I feel renewed, refreshed and rejuvenated!

I pray my Jesus, that I will never, never move from you! I pray that I will stay close to you so that You may be able to stay close to me. John 15:4; Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me'. How special I feel to have gone through this so intimate and personal experience tonight with my husband, Jimmy, and my daughter, Meghann right there with me. It hurts that Joshua cannot feel this 'high', but I believe and trust that it is just a matter of time. The Lord loves him also and so many people are praying for him!

Thank you Brother Wiggins for your prayer over my family and the many other families that came forth tonight. Thank you for caring and for following the compassionate and loving ways of Jesus Christ. I thank you for loving Him the way you do and for serving Him. May God continue to bless you and your family and all the members of Victory Baptist Church, and all that we each come into contact with!

John 5:16; 'Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven'. I give all honour and praise to you Heavenly Father. Thank you for loving me and giving me the gift of salvation and eternal life!